What’s Beautiful to You? (And Why Every Kid Should Answer That)

Here’s a question that rarely shows up in a school curriculum or parenting guide—but it should:
“What’s beautiful to you?”

At first glance, it might sound like small talk. Something you’d ask on a walk or throw into a casual conversation. But when you dig a little deeper, this question becomes something much more powerful. It can help a kid connect to who they are, what they value, and what kind of life they want to live.

Let’s unpack why.

Identity, Story, and the Stuff That Stirs Us

There’s a whole field of research around something called narrative identity. In short, it's the idea that we understand ourselves through story—not just facts or traits. Psychologists like Dan McAdams have shown that kids (and adults) build identity by making meaning out of experiences. They’re asking, whether they realize it or not: Who am I? What do I care about? What kind of person am I becoming?

Asking a kid what they find beautiful is one way to get them thinking—and talking—about the deeper story of their life.

What they say matters. Maybe it’s “the way my grandma laughs.” Or “someone standing up for others.” Or even “the ocean at night.” These answers give us clues. They reveal a kid’s values, their sense of wonder, and what pulls at their heart.

It’s not about getting the “right” answer. It’s about helping them tune into what resonates deep down.

Beauty Grows with Them

When kids are little, “beauty” might mean glitter and slime. By middle school, it could be a perfectly crafted playlist or a scene from a movie. But as they grow, their understanding of beauty shifts—often toward character, courage, kindness, and truth.

This evolution is a big deal. It’s a sign of emotional growth and moral imagination.

Helping kids notice what they find beautiful encourages them to reflect—on what they admire, what moves them, and what they want to embody. It’s one way we can help them form a more intentional sense of identity.

Why It Matters for Motivation

This question also ties into a powerful idea from psychology called self-concordance. Research shows that we’re more likely to stick with goals and feel satisfied when what we’re doing aligns with our values—not just external pressure or expectations.

So when a kid learns to notice what’s beautiful to them, they’re learning what feels authentic. What energizes them. What gives them purpose.

That’s the kind of inner compass that helps them make choices—big and small—that lead to a meaningful life.

How to Try This at Home

Here’s the challenge:
Ask your kid today, “What’s beautiful to you?”

Don’t overthink it. Do it in the car, at bedtime, while walking the dog. Keep it light, stay curious, and most importantly—listen. Don’t correct or interpret their answer. Just hold space for it.

They might surprise you. And you might get a rare glimpse into their inner world.

Better yet, answer the question yourself. Model reflection. Let them hear what stirs you. Because kids don’t just build identity through what they feel—they build it through what they see reflected in the people around them.

One Question. Big Impact.

In a world that often pushes kids to perform, impress, and conform, this question gives them space to reflect, to feel, and to connect.

So ask it.

Because behind every answer to “What’s beautiful to you?” is a story waiting to be told—and a young person learning to live a life that actually means something.