Forget Passion—Help Your Kid Find a Problem Worth Solving

 The Question That Turns Frustration Into Direction

We all want our kids to be motivated. We want them to wake up with a sense of purpose, pursue meaningful goals, and keep going when things get hard.

But here’s what’s easy to miss:
True motivation doesn’t come from grades, trophies, or a resume full of activities.
It doesn’t come from pressure or praise.

It comes from purpose.
And purpose often starts with one simple question:

“What problems do you want to solve?”

This question is a bridge—from reflection to action, from potential to purpose.

Purpose Doesn’t Come from a Career List

Too often, kids are asked what they want to be when they grow up. That question is loaded with expectations, pressure, and vague goals. It’s also abstract. How can a 14-year-old possibly know what job they want when they haven’t even had a job?

But ask them, “What frustrates you?” or “What’s something you wish you could change?”—and suddenly you’ll get real answers. Answers full of energy, emotion, and direction.

I once worked with a middle schooler who was constantly annoyed during group projects. He’d vent about no one listening, about people talking over each other. One day, I asked him:

“What would you do to fix it?”

He paused. Then said, “I’d make a video showing what good listening looks like.”

And that’s exactly what he did.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was his. That shift—from complaint to contribution—was the first real spark of purpose I saw in him.

Why This Question Matters

Asking, “What problems do you want to solve?” taps into intrinsic motivation—the kind that doesn’t need rewards or approval. The kind that fuels persistence and growth.

It also gives kids something they’re desperately seeking: direction.

Research shows that kids who connect to something bigger than themselves—whether it’s a cause, a need, or a community—experience greater:

• Motivation

• Resilience

• Emotional well-being

• Long-term success

And according to Self-Determination Theory, this question satisfies three core psychological needs:

1. Autonomy – I chose this.

2. Competence – I can make a difference.

3. Relatedness – This matters to people beyond me.

It gives a kid the confidence to move forward—not because they have to, but because they want to.

What Happens If We Don’t Ask

When kids aren’t asked what problems they want to solve, they end up following the path of least resistance—or the one that earns the most applause.

They chase what looks good on paper but feels empty.
They perform for others instead of contributing from who they are.
And over time, they lose energy. They lose clarity. And eventually, they lose themselves.

But when a kid starts to identify something they care enough to act on—something that frustrates them or lights a fire inside—they stop waiting. They start building.

How to Help Your Kid Find Their Problem

So how do we help kids connect the dots between frustration and purpose?

1. Ask better questions:

“What’s something at school you’d change if you could?”
“If someone gave you $10,000 to fix a problem, what would you do with it?”

2. Watch for emotional clues:

When they’re fired up, irritated, or deeply interested—that’s not a distraction. It’s data.

3. Encourage small action:

It could be a video, a conversation, a campaign, or a small project. Start tiny.

4. Reflect back what you see:

“You really care about this.”
“I can see this matters to you.”
That helps them trust their instinct and stay connected to what drives them.

Bottom Line

You don’t have to help your kid find the perfect plan for their future.
You just have to help them care about something—and support them in doing something about it.

So this week, ask your kid:

“What problems do you want to solve?”

Then listen closely. Because their answer might be the first real step toward a life of purpose.