Raising Kids Who Put Others First (Even When No One’s Watching)

Why Generosity Starts With a Simple Question

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably wondered at some point:
Will my kid grow into someone who puts others first?
Not just when it’s easy. Not just when it’s praised.
But when it’s inconvenient, unnoticed—and still the right thing to do?

We want our kids to be thoughtful, generous, and other-focused.
But those qualities don’t just show up with age.
They have to be taught, modeled, and practiced—now.

That’s why one of the most important questions you can begin asking your kid is:

“What do you do to put others first?”

The Story That Changed How I Thought About Service

There’s a story in my family that we still tell—about my grandfather, Fud.
One afternoon, my mom got home from school and noticed their dog, Tracey, was missing.

She asked, “Hey—where’s Tracey?”
And my grandma said, without blinking:

“Your dad gave her away.”

Turns out, a neighbor’s dog had just died. And my grandpa—seeing their sadness—walked over, knocked on their door, and handed them ours.

No fanfare. No discussion. Just quiet, selfless generosity.

That story stuck with me.
Not because I want my kids giving away our pets—but because it showed me what it actually means to put others first.

Why This Question Matters So Much

Let’s be real: our culture doesn’t naturally shape kids into servant-hearted people.

Everything around them—school, social media, even well-meaning adults—sends the message:
Protect your time. Promote your image. Take care of yourself first.

So if we want to raise kids who are grounded in something deeper, we have to interrupt that message.
And this question does exactly that:

“What do you do to put others first?”

It teaches kids to look for needs. To step up instead of stepping back.
To see relationships as opportunities to contribute—not just consume.

The Research Is Clear: Service Builds a Better Life

Service isn’t just about being nice.
It’s deeply tied to belonging, confidence, and resilience.

When kids feel like they can make a difference in someone else’s life, they start seeing themselves as valuable, capable, and connected.

And the best part?
It doesn’t require a service trip or a big community project.
It starts in daily moments—at home, in class, with friends.

What Gets in the Way

If I’m honest, I miss those moments all the time.

I’ve sat at my kid’s soccer game grumbling about the coach—when I could’ve volunteered to help.
I’ve skipped offering help in meetings—because no one asked.

We all hesitate. And our kids? They’re watching.

They learn to wait. To withhold. To stay in their own lane.
Unless we model something different.

How to Raise a Kid Who Puts Others First

Here are a few simple ways to be intentional:

1. Make the question part of your rhythm

Ask:

“What did you do today to put someone else first?”
Treat it like you would “How was your day?”

2. Tell stories that celebrate service

Share examples from your own life or from people around them who step up without being asked.

3. Create real opportunities to practice

Let them take ownership—helping a sibling, supporting a classmate, assisting a neighbor. Real service. Not pretend.

4. Be honest about your own growth

When you miss a moment, talk about it.

“I realized I could’ve helped today and I didn’t. I want to do better.”
That models humility and teaches that service is a lifelong practice.

Bottom Line

Putting others first isn’t a personality trait—it’s a skill.
And the best time to develop it is now.

So this week, ask your kid:

“What do you do to put others first?”

Not to guilt them. Not to pressure them.
But to help them become someone who shows up—with empathy, generosity, and quiet courage—when it matters most.

Because that’s the kind of person the world needs.
And it starts one small act at a time.